


fine art of letting go

by Chaosride



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, post-trk, ronan worries too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 18:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7585903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaosride/pseuds/Chaosride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan's scared that they've missed something, that its not really over. He wouldn't survive losing anyone else.</p><p>Or; domestic fluff with feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fine art of letting go

Graduation came and went and Ronan knew that the diploma he received in the mail was about as legitimate as the sea of IDs that Kavinsky had dreamt up. Gansey hadn't seemed remorseful to see Monmouth go, insisting that selling it after graduation had always been the plan. Ronan knew better; it was them, him and Gansey and Noah had built it from the abandonned warehouse into something greater, and then Blue and Adam and Henry added to it. It had been a home for both of them in their worst moments. When Adam asked where he was going to stay until The Trip, as they had started calling it, Gansey looked lost.

Anyone else would have missed it, the way his eyes flickered slightly. The tightening of his shoulders could have passed for pulling a breath to speak, but Ronan knew better and he figured Adam did as well. They were all so in tune with each other that sometimes it was still weird.

"The Barns, of course," Ronan said it without hesitation, and that was that.

 

The first few weeks of summer were spent in quiet contentment. For the most part, they explored the area surrounding the Barns, or would drive into town to go eat at Nino's or hang out at Litchfield or Fox Way. Adam only worked part time hours at Boyd's, and everyone could see that the time to relax was doing him good. 

It made Ronan rest easier, to see the change in Adam. Since the demon, he had been watching everyone closely, but since he was already always watching Adam it was just magnified. He felt like he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop for the first few months, sure that it was too easy. Sure that life was waiting to take something else away from him.

On top of that, he knew Adam, knew how much he hated asking for help. Knew Adam was afraid of being told no, or worse, getting help only to owe someone something he couldn't pay back. Ronan was determined to teach him that sometimes people helped and didn’t expect anything in return. He was also trying to show him that it was okay to ask for what he needed. Adam either took care of himself or he went without. Some days, Ronan wished he had killed Robert Parrish when he had the chance.

When Gansey, Blue, and Henry finally left for their trip, after weeks of checklists and road maps and "did you know?"s, it was even quieter. Boyd had hired another mechanic to take Adam's place once he went to school, and after Adam trained him, he had even less hours at the shop.

Normally, having less hours would make Adam nervous, since he always needed as many hours as he could cram into a day just to scrape by, but after the first week or so of counting ever penny he spent and seeing that he still had more than he planned left over, he relaxed. 

Adam Parrish not worried about something was like Atlas without the world on his shoulders; unseen. He still worried about school and studied ahead of time for the classes he had registered for and figuring out the logistics of things, but it wasn't nearly as much as he normally put on himself.

 

As summer progressed, Ronan found himself more and more concerned about his boyfriend. There wasn't anything glaringly wrong, which really only served to make him more worry more. In their lives, problems rarely had obvious warning signs.

Adam was sleeping more. This would normally make Ronan happy, considering the fact that he worked his ass off enough to warrant sleeping for a week, but instead only slept when he couldn't dodge it anymore. Even then, he only slept until it was time for him to work again.

Ronan had never seen him sleep later than ten, even on the rare days he had off, and never saw him in bed until ungodly late, until everything he needed to get done was done to perfection. It was how he had been programmed to survive, how the life he lived had rewired his internal clock.

Except, after Gansey left, Adam would sleep until noon, sometimes even later. He normally went to bed around midnight, maybe one. For normal people, it would be like going to bed at 8 at night. Ronan had even found him taking honest to god naps on the couch with Opal several times.

It made sense, for Adam to be sleeping more. Especially given that he had the time to, and would likely go right back to his awful sleep schedule once he was back at school. It wasn't, in and of itself, a reason to instill the panic it was in Ronan. Except that it hadn't really started until Gansey left.

Adam and Gansey were both tied to Cabeswater, and to each other. They were all interconnected, like roots to neighboring trees, tangled up in each other in ways that could only be described as magic. Ronan couldn’t shake the fear that since they were so tied, they couldn’t flourish without each other. 

Gansey was with Blue, who was a power source anyway, but who also lit a fire in Gansey that Ronan had never seen before. So even if he was fine, it didn't mean that something wasn't happening.

There was also the fear that the demon had unmade something when it was in Adam, managed to undo something instrumental in the machine that was Adam Parrish. The idea of it leaving something to rot and fester until nothing but a shell was left behind, like a dream without its dreamer, kept Ronan awake at night.

Ronan was terrified of losing someone else. He wasn't sure he would survive losing Adam, but he was sure that he didn't want to.

 

"Adam." Ronan dug his fingers into the divots of Adam's rib cage. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough for Adam to jerk slightly, laughing breathlessly. Ronan was envious of his ability to be completely asleep one moment and completely awake the next. No mind fog or confusion about where he was.

"I was sleeping, you ass," he complained, rolling to pin Ronan to the sleep mussed sheets. He bent to press their mouths together, slick and slow, like they had all day. Technically, they did.

"It's nearly noon, Parrish," he managed when they finally parted. The midday sun was streaming into their bedroom through the slanted blinds. Shafts of light lit the hollows of Adam's elegant face, the slope of his throat, the fall of his hair. Ronan wanted to kiss him again, need racing along his skin like an electrical current on water.

"Is it really?" He actually sounded a little surprised, but not worried. Before, he would have stressed about the hours he had wasted sleeping when he could have been studying or working.

It felt as though a star was going supernova under Ronan's breastbone. 

"It is." He worked his hand free from where it had been gripping Adam's shirt, and pressed the back of it to Adam's forehead. "Did you catch something from those heathens at Litchfield? You're sleeping a ton."

He couldn't lose Adam. He wouldn’t survive it.

Adam laughed, rumbling and deep, before kissing Ronan again. The hand pressed to his forehead slid to his cheek.

"I'm fine, Ro," Adam assured. His accent thickened his words. He hadn't been forcing it down like he normally did, less ashamed of it since Ronan had admitted that it turned him on. "I just… haven't slept in in years. I'm comfortable, it's nice. To not have to worry about how long I was asleep or how many hours I could afford to not do anything. And I'm awake a lot of the time, but its warm, and you're here and its okay for me to just… Be."

A smile grew on his face, pure and content. Ronan dragged him back down, earning a little pleased noise into his mouth.

Adam seemed to take it as an invitation to show Ronan how thoroughly not dying he was.

For the first time since they found Glendower, he let himself believe that they would all be okay after all.


End file.
